Library Humour

Library Humour …
if we can’t laugh at ourselves, who can?

<!–If you have any library-related humour or comments that you would like to see added to this collection, please direct your messages to:

All submissions will be considered — only those of reasonable taste and decorum will be added!
This list was compiled from library journals and library-related Internet sources.


Knock knock…

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Redda who?

Read a lot of books this summer!

(submitted by Susan Schaepman)


Our Chief Librarian at BNB,
Hallowed be thy Catalogue,
Thy Issues be increased,
Thy Books be Strict-Ordered,
In Fiction as they are in Non-Fiction
Give us this day our Overdue Books back,
And forgive us our Classification Errors,
As we forgive those who Misplace our Books
    (as they know not thy Prophet Dewey)
Lead us not into False Subject Headings,
But deliver us from Categorisation
          ……….and cuts in Opening Hours
               ……….and reductions in the Book Fund
For thine is the Issue System,
       the Date Stamp
           and the Light Pen
For Ever and Ever

(submitted by Sue Marsden)

Why my book has not been returned to the library!

 … cuz I left it in my truck and my truck was in an accident and got towed to the garage and I won’t be able to get to the garage in Abbotsford until this weekend.

 … my mother took it camping and lost it.

 … I didn’t take it out!

 … cuz my cat peed on it and it smells too bad.

 … it flew out the car window on the 401 Freeway and was devoured by an 18 wheeler!

The Top 13 Obscure Campus Library Rules

 13. No Shoes, No Shirt, No Books!

 12. One millionth visitor receives lifetime supply of Turtle Wax.

 11. $3.00 cover charge, 2 drink minimum.

 10. Use a Canadian coin in the copy machine, get a bonus copy!

 9. 1st Tuesday of each month – “Find the Hidden $100 Bill Day!”

 8. Sink a book in the return bin from 50 ft., win a thousand bucks.

 7. Must submit to drug test for presence of library paste.

 6. Overdue book fees: 5 cents per day or 3 strokes with a rattan cane — your choice!

 5. Forgetting to whisper: 3 strokes with a rattan cane — no choice!.

 4. If you find a dead guy, your tuition’s free!!!

 3. Photocopying of body parts is strictly prohibited unless accompanied by a spotter.

 2. Until further notice, all golf magazines will be forwarded directly to Mr. Simpson c/o the L.A. County Jail.

 and the #1 Obscure Campus Library Rule…

1. Time spent sleeping at your carrel actually earns you academic credit.


Chickens in Libraries? and other miscellaneous humour

 A chicken walks into the library. It goes up to the circulation desk and says: “book, bok, bok, boook”.

 The librarian hands the chicken a book. It tucks it under his wing and runs out. A while later, the chicken runs back in, throws the first book into the return bin and goes back to the librarian saying: “book, bok, bok, bok, boook”. Again the librarian gives it a book, and the chicken runs out. The librarian shakes her head.

 Within a few minutes, the chicken is back, returns the book and starts all over again: “boook, book, bok bok boook”. The librarian gives him yet a third book, but this time as the chicken is running out the door, she follows it.

 The chicken runs down the street, through the park and down to the riverbank. There, sitting on a lily pad is a big, green frog. The chicken holds up the book and shows it to the frog, saying: “Book, bok, bok, boook”. The frog blinks, and croaks: “read-it, read-it, read-it”.

 Q: What happens when you cross a librarian and a lawyer?
A: You get all the information you want, but you can’t understand it.

 There was a young couple from Delhi
Who went around belly to belly,
Because, in their haste,
They used library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly.                                    

(source: unknown. Submitted by IvaDorum.)      

  Scottish library joke
A man walks into a Glasgow library and says to the librarian, “Excuse me Miss, do ye huvany books on suicide?” The librarian looks up and says, “Get lost! Ye’ll no bring it back!”                                      (submitted by Abigail Skinner)


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